I woke up at 3:30 this morning thinking about something that has plagued me lately; why can’t I stop thinking about makeup?

To give you some context… Recently I decided to upgrade the makeup I own, there are only a few pieces I actually use and they all seem to make my eyes itch and/or burn. I went off on a search for cruelty free, vegan makeup that works well, and doesn’t make you want to pull out your eyeballs. I ended up finding some lovely brands that get great reviews (I will link them down the bottom if you’re interested). So I ordered some, but here’s the thing about shopping online… you have to wait for it to be delivered! (But I want to play with my new toy now!) Even though I’ve already made my decision and I’ve already ordered it, I’ve found myself fixated about it, always thinking about it and wanting to look it up again.

Anyhoo, this brings me to early this morning. So I woke up, and, of course, I was thinking about makeup again, and I was thinking about something else I’ve noticed myself doing. When I want something, I often find myself wondering what the right thing to do is (what is God’s opinion on the matter*), but lately I’ve noticed that I tend to shutdown that feeling in favour of just doing it my way and getting what I want. I remembered some feedback that Jesus gave me last year (during the Volunteer Selection Programme), he talked about my entitlement and the fact that I want what I want. At the time that seemed to be one of the less pressing issues that I needed to work on so I didn’t give it a great deal of thought, but it’s something that keeps popping into my mind because I didn’t totally understand what he was talking about.

This morning though, I thought about how I believed that if I got what I want I would be happy. If I get that puppy I will be happy, if I buy the Oreos they’ll make me happy, if I get the makeup I’ll finally be happy… To be clear, these are not conscious thoughts that I have, these are underlying feelings and false beliefs that I act upon. My actual lived experience has time and time again shown me that this is not the truth, but still I cling to this false belief.

What I am learning is that we have in us (in our soul) emotions, faith, emotional injuries and false beliefs (among other things) that determine our level of happiness. No amount of ‘stuff’ can ever make us happy because it cannot act upon our soul. Happiness comes from feeling and releasing our emotional injuries, a desire to Love and find Truth, and most importantly a relationship with God.

I’m afraid that If I choose God’s way of doing things (the right way) I will not be able to do what I want or get what I want and therefore will never be happy. I’m also angry, because I believe that I should be able to do what I want and get what I want all the time. This is not to say that if I choose to do things God’s Way I will never get to do these things, because that is not true, it’s just that right now I would rather get what I want than do the right thing, and that is a problem.

So that was what I was thinking about at 3:30 in the morning and when I woke up again this morning at 7:30 I thought I’d write a blog post instead of writing in my journal.

*I believe that God created us and our universe and therefore has all the answers to any questions we might ever ask. God always knows the right thing to do and can show you, if you want to know. 

Here you go, from someone who used to be adamant that she was a ‘tomboy’, here are some brands that I found to make me all pink and pretty. I haven’t actually used any of these yet, I just thought I’d share the info I found just in case anyone was interested. Check out; Nudestix (quick and simple, neutral colours), Stila (vibrant colours), Inika (Australian and Organic) and Mirenesse (Mascara).

Take care,

Sorcha